How it feels to have self-published my first book.

Feels ok. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In all seriousness, to explain why I feel like I'm only on cloud 6 rather than cloud 9 about it, you have to understand that The Horse That Hannah Built, though I spent a lot of time with it and infused as much creativity and heart into it as I could, was not one of my passion projects. By "passion projects" I mean creative projects (writing, drawing, etc.) that seem to have come entirely out of nowhere (which, in the beginning, feel like a lightning strike of inspiration, or that eureka moment), that intrigue me to the point where I daydream about them even when I'm doing something entirely different, and that cause me to become driven, if not a little obsessed with, doing a ton of research to make sure they'll turn out as immersive as they possibly can.

The Horse That Hannah Built was not one of those projects. The story did not begin solely from my inspiration. It began as a book cover—the same book cover that holds the book together now. Long story short, during the summer of 2021, I signed up for a writing challenge that handed out pre-made book covers to its participants and asked them to write a story of at least 10,000 words based off of that alone. The Horse That Hannah Built was my answer to that challenge.

This isn't to say that The Horse That Hannah Built is awful or that I didn't put much thought into it (if you picked up a copy of the story, you'd understand that). It simply means that the task of writing The Horse That Hannah Built was "given" to me rather than it starting off as that eureka moment.

I suppose that's the only real difference between The Horse That Hannah Built and my true passion projects is that it was an idea that was given to me rather than an idea that came from me. And, in general, that sort of thing has its pros and cons. On the one hand, there isn't so much searching for that initial idea from which all other ideas stem from in order to create a story (e.g., there's a lone rider wearing a respirator's mask on a robotic horse, galloping across a desert that cuts through the middle of what was once a metropolitan area). But one of the cons is that the idea has the chance to not intrigue the writer as much. That was the case for me for The Horse That Hannah Built.

Understanding that the initial idea for The Horse That Hannah Built was given to me, and understanding that the story was one big answer to a writing challenge, I hope you can understand the next thing I'm about to say:

Now that The Horse That Hannah Built is finished and published, I feel a kind of relief that I can best describe as the same kind of relief you'd get from being able to finally move on from a 9 to 5 job that you've been wanting to leave for a while. As I said, I put in my time and dedication into The Horse That Hannah Built, and I shall cherish all that I've learned from it and have accomplished with it. But I have finished growing with it and it is time to move on.

That may be why or partly why, on publication day (August 22nd, 2022), I didn't feel some grand feeling of triumph. The Horse That Hannah Built wasn't a passion project, so I didn't experience much of a high nor do I feel any great anxiety over what readers might think or say about the book (the only thing I'd truly feel embarrassed about is if someone found t ypo s!).

There are still some things I have to tend to for The Horse That Hannah Built. I have to make sure to get the ebook on all the platforms that were giving me a little trouble in the publishing process; I have to get the paperback and hardback versions processed and available for distribution; and of course I have to continue to promote the book! But it is time to move on. To bigger and better things.

That is the feeling. I now have more room to return to the creative projects that truly intrigue me, that I put on hold for the past year in order to work on The Horse That Hannah Built. I can make a return to the WritingMutt YouTube channel, to The Emerald Knight, and to other projects that I have in the works!

TL;DR: Though I've put in a lot of time and dedication into The Horse That Hannah Built and love everything that I've learned from it, it wasn't a passion project of mine and so I don't necessarily feel a great sense of accomplishment from finally finishing it and publishing it.

I hope that makes sense. I also hope this post didn't mess things up for me by making too many people think that The Horse That Hannah Built isn't a worthwhile read. Honestly, if I hadn't have written it, The Horse That Hannah Built would be a story I'd like to read. There's good and interesting ideas and writing stylization in it! :)

R. A. W. 8/23/2022